Jumping out of my sleeping position, I hit my head on the wall. I rubbed frantically on the distended spot as I looked around me in the darkness of the night at the cold scary cell I had been squatting in for the last five hours. Two pairs of eyes were peering at me from the other corner of the room. For a moment, I thought they were those of the two policemen from my dream, but I recalled the two ladies I had met earlier when they threw me in. They had been asleep and I prayed that they would stay like that dreading what they might do to me when they awoke. Seeing that God threw my wish into the bin, I tried to come up with a proper defence from my hurting occiput.
“Put her in the cell, Sergeant. Let those Likoena (prostitutes) have her for the night. She will be able to speak in the morning,” the cruel policewoman had said as her colleague dragged me into the cell.
At first, I had thought the lady was beautiful; yellow bone with a deep pink mouth and big black eyes. Her fat but well-shaped figure made her uniform look like a fancy Outing attire. Even her smile looked very genuine, making every policeman in the room throw a longing glance whenever she ambled around. That was before I sat in front of her desk.
“What do we have here?” She’d asked bitterly, “Another one of those self-raising brats!” And for the next hour, I’d felt as if the earth should swallow and hide me from the insults of that lady.
“How old are you, young girl?” The voice echoed in the small cell, sending shivers through my body.
“Sixteen.” My voice was weaker than I felt. Clearing my throat ─I hoped that didn’t make me sound more vulnerable I frantically searched for any type of defense I could use if they tried something with me.
“Are you a Koena (Prostitute)?”
“No… Please don’t rape me.” I started to beg, shifting from squatting to kneeling. My knees numbed on the cold floor, but I bore with it in the hope the ladies could see me in the dark.
“Did those policemen say we will rape you?” Another voice sang a mockery. “They are the cruel ones. You should see what they did to this beautiful girl.”
It was a strong voice, more steady, and powerful than the first one. It reminded me of my mother when she disapproved of something.
“So you will not rape me?” I spoke with a hint of relief.
“I have a sixteen-year-old girl back home. Imagine what I would feel if she was raped, by another woman for that matter?”
I stood up granting my throbbing knees their wish to stretch. The cold whooshed around my bare legs and reminded me of my shawl, the policewoman had taken it leaving me only with a skirt and light top to beat the night.
“What brings you in here, girl?” The older woman spoke again. Her voice was suddenly kinder, though it maintained its intensity.
I squatted back and covered my knees with arms, trying to keep them warm as well as deeming my answer. I had to be careful about what I give away.
“They say I killed a man.” The younger woman gasped while the older lady laughed sarcastically. “But I did not kill him.” I pled like in my dream.
“We believe you. You’ve been crying about it in your sleep since you came in here. What happened?” She asked.
Relieved to hear her soothing voice I recalled the events of three days ago when I first set my feet in Maseru.
“Good afternoon, Sir!” I said in a high-pitched voice trying to beat the loudspeaker beside him calling people to buy airtime and sim cards.
“Yes…?” He looked down at me expectantly, not bothering to answer my greetings.
“How are you, sir?” I tried it again. His eyes twitched as he lazily smiled and looked me up and down. I shifted uncomfortably, conscious of what he saw.
“I am good, my girl. What can I do for you?”
“Can you show me the directions to Sea-Point?”
“Sea-Point? Where in particular? It’s a rather big place.” I blinked several times in panic. I hadn’t thought it would be hard to find my aunt’s place.
“I don’t know where. It’s my first time here…but if it will help, I’m going to my aunt’s house. She has been living there since ’98. Her name is Mrs Anna Sello.” I said hurriedly praying he knew my aunt.
“Anna?” He looked down as if studying me for the first time. Mama had warned me against men who looked at me like a piece of meat and I felt the man was doing the same thing. “She is your aunt, you say?” I nodded. He regarded me with brooding eyes before directing me. I thanked him and walked down the creepy smelly gravel-path to my aunt’s place.
In no time I came upon the yard. It was just as he had described ─the only yard enclosed by a brick fence. The gate was big old scrappy iron steel with patches of wool as a handle. There were messages written in different colours of chalk all over it. I read the largest, written in red paint as though it was graffiti, ‘Beware of Dogs. Knock before you enter!’ The second-largest in the same paint was ‘Police are not welcome.’ My nose twitched as it picked up a funny smell. I looked to the side of the gate and realized it was pee, the wall was pasted with pee strips to the ground. I moved back and covered my nose. In my village, nobody would do such a disgraceful thing to somebody’s house unless it was long deserted. I approached the gate once more and hit it with my fist. The small pedestrian gate pushed open and revealed a pavement to the house. I waited a bit to see if any dog would come. Nothing did. Slowly I walked forward. The yard was bigger than the primary school in my village. To the left side of the house were trees of different fruits, tall and short. I made out apples, peaches, and grapes ─they were hunched together not giving much space for a person to walk in-between. The right side was a field of wheat circling the old brick and tile house in front of me. I walked onto the red stoop and knocked on the door. Someone inside shouted. I pushed the heavy and dilapidated door in and entered. As I walked in I stepped on a small cloth that turned out to be a dishtowel. Picking it from the floor I tried to find the perfect place to put it but ended up throwing it back on the floor. The place was a mess. A rat came out from an opened rack and ran through, up to the leaking ceiling. I watched it in horror. The sound of a television or radio came from the background. I tried to follow the sound but then suddenly a loud shriek came from another side of the house. Panic struck me. What if there was no one leaving there? What if the voices I heard were of ghosts? Maybe the house was haunted.
There was a long passage leading to other rooms at the end of the room. It was dark and scary, only a flicker of playing TV or whatever it was in the last room at the end of the passageway. Something moved at the end of the passage, I reached for the door and turned to run for my life when I heard my sister’s voice. It came out strong and penetrating. Even though she didn’t say my name, I stood and looked back to the dark passage where the voice came from. Stupefied, I pressed against the wall when the sudden movement kept approaching. It was just a small skinny child. She was staring at me like a hungry dog peeking through the door of a neighbour’s house. She raised her two dirty little hands as if accepting bread, her gaunt shoulders hung, making her long colourless full dress look like it hung on the clothes hanger. My sister’s voice came again.
“Mpho! Open that door, you little skeleton. Don’t make me lose clients again.”
The little girl jumped back with fright. Her big eyes cast out as if they might pop out of her face, her hands limp in front of her body. I held out my hand to her and she stopped backing away. Without taking my eyes off hers, I took out the last coin I had from my tight jeans and held it out to her. Hesitantly, she approached me and held out her small hand. When I dropped the money in her hand, she looked at it with disbelief and looked back at me. I smiled encouragingly; she revealed a set of yellow teeth as she grinned at me then ran passed me outside. Other footsteps came in from the back.
“Keke?” Her voice came in a whisper.
I just nodded and smiled as tears flew down my cheeks. I wasn’t sure whether they were tears of joy or shock but I covered whatever it was with a smile. She took a step forward and stopped, suddenly stopping herself from hugging me. I wanted to run into her arms, to hold and cry with her. It had been so long and there was so much to cry about. But before I could move, she was turned back, heading rapidly into the backroom she came from. A yelp came again, making me feel shivery. I crept in after Lineo, past two doors on one either side of the wall until I came across the flashing room at the end of the corridor. I stepped inside and looked around. It was a sitting room, filled with old sofas and blankets on the floor, occupied by a couple of women and several kids watching a small television based on an ancient unit placed by the wall. I tried to greet but none of them looked up. I saw a bigger door leading to the other side of the house with a big porch. Lineo was standing on the porch, I followed her.
“You don’t look so happy to see me.” I stood beside her and looked up at the field of wheat planted in a circle that covered a big tree of Matekoane (weed).
“What do you want here?” She kept her gaze on the Matekoane tree. The shock from earlier was somehow replaced with frustration.
“I passed my Form C. Mama said Anna will help me go to High School. She’s been sending money.” From the corner of my eye, I watched her pull a newspaper from her baggy trouser and start to coil a sol. I wasn’t surprised but I glowered at her as she rolled the weed around in her hand.
“There’s no money here, Keke.” The same shriek from earlier cried out. This time was clearer. I looked back at the house but realised no one, not even Lineo seemed to mind it. She was still rolling her sol, “You shouldn’t have come.”
My heart soaked with hurt. I felt tears rising from deep within me, causing my throat to dry out. I wanted Lineo to be happy to see me, to ask how mama died and how we lost the house to our uncles. I wanted her to ask me how hard it had been for me and to console me. Silently tears rolled down my cheeks as I watched her light up her Matekoane and look into space as she smoked. I waited until I was sure my voice was strong enough for me to speak.
“Where is Anna?” As if in answer, the shriek came again. It seemed as if it was growing louder.
“She’s in her room,” Lineo said, still not reacting to the shriek.
“Listen Keke,” Lineo turned and stared at me. She blew the smoke to the side but it flew right at me and made me cough. “There is no money for you to go to school. Just go back home, take care of mama and the house, and forget about school. Anna is sick and dying. Why are you crying?”
Pain struck my heart and I let everything out. Lineo just stood there and looked at me helplessly. To realise that she didn’t even know that our mother had died was more hurtful than seeing her as thin as a skeleton. I tried to calm down when an older woman entered the room and looked at us. She came to the porch with a glass of water in hand and handed it to me.
“Are we having another breakdown this early in the afternoon?” Her voice was cranky and deep-strong, unlike her slim and small body. She reached out to Lineo and took a sol from her. She started smoking while she studied me as I drank the water. “Who is this one?”
“This is your niece, Anna.” Lineo sighed heavily and looked away, “This is Keke.”
“Keke…?” She sounded more like Lineo than my father as she once did.
I couldn’t find my voice again, not sure if it was from hiccups or shock, but I just nodded. She approached me and touched my face as if examining whether I wasn’t hurt from a fight or fall.
“Oh, it’s abuti‘s daughter! How are you, Nana? How’s home? Tell me… How’s sister-in-law? Is everyone good…How’s everyone? Oh, it’s been such a long time.”
Anna was touching me everywhere as she asked me all these questions. I just smiled as she continued to examine me.
“Come on. Let’s sit down and tell me all about home.” She was dragging me back into the house. Everyone seemed to recognize me then as Anna sat me down on one of the sofas. I winced as my buttocks hit a plunk of the chair. They were not as soft as I thought they would be. Lineo had followed us inside and she found herself a seat near the lady with an infant sucking milk out of her small breast. Anna reached the back of the TV and pulled out the wire turning the TV off. Everyone was looking at me expectantly. I hesitated, dreading the news that I was about to reveal.
“Well, tell us about home dear. Your visit is very refreshing t.” Anna said cheerfully. I sighed heavily, with the realization that Anna hadn’t got the letter I’d sent.
“Mama died a month ago Anna,” I said softly, looking directly at Lineo. She flinched and everyone gasped in the room. Anna moved from her seat and sat close to me. She cupped me in her embrace like a little child. I kept my gaze on my sister. She started sobbing silently. After a moment Anna let me go.
“I am so sorry dear girl. What happened? Why didn’t you let us know?” She was gently stroking my arm. I smiled sadly and patted my aunt’s shoulder before walking over to where my sobbing sister sat. The lady with a kid shifted a bit when I squeezed myself between them. I hugged her and let her weep in my arms.
“She was raped and beaten up on her way from the clinic. She died two days after the assault.” Lineo deepened her sobs. I tried to soothe her, glad that I didn’t crack up too.
“I saw that on the news a few weeks ago.” The lady with a kid said.
“Yes. Television people even went there.” I said, looking at the small baby still strongly sucking the second breast. I tried to see if it was a boy or girl but from the white shawl and a bald head, it was rather debatable.
“But why didn’t you tell us?” Anna asked. Her thin old face looked gravely inhuman when she was sad.
“I did send you a letter,” I replied.
“A letter?” She blinked, “Where? Do we have a mailbox? Why didn’t you just call?”
“We don’t have your numbers. And I figured your mailbox still works.” I rubbed my temples as Lineo stood up straight, apparently done crying.
“The mailbox hasn’t worked since Uncle Steve died,” Lineo said, also rubbing her temples, a gesture we learned from our mother whenever she tried to relieve her stress.
I didn’t know that uncle Steve had died but I said nothing. That was for another day. The door from the kitchen creaked as it opened, followed by a woman’s voice.
“Lipuo?” I looked around for the owner of the name and the baby’s mama replied.
“In here.” She covered her breasts and rearranged the now sleeping child in her arms.
“You are looking very beautiful today ‘Manngeo. What’s the occasion?” Anna remarked to the lady.
“Aw ‘Manngeo, I am always like this. There’s nothing fancy about this look.” The lady replied with a smile, clearly flattered by the praise.
“Just get the baby and let’s get out of here.” The gentleman said behind her.
The woman reached for the baby in Lipuo’s arms. It squirmed a bit but didn’t wake as the woman secured it carefully in her arms.
“I am sorry to have come to get her like this; her father suddenly arrived so we are visiting her grandmother for a week.” The woman said looking at Lipuo with assuring eyes. Lipuo stood up.
“Then it’s best that I give you some of her clothes kept here.” She started to the door.
“Oh no, don’t worry about that. Her father bought her quite a handful of clothes. She will be fine.” The woman touched Lipuo on the arm and patted her. “We will be back after a week.”
“Have a safe trip then,” Lipuo said. The man reached for the lady and took the baby from her. He then headed to the door and left. The lady hastily followed, waving her goodbyes over her head.
“How long do you think she will keep up with the lies?” Lineo asked no one in particular, her eyes staring at the empty door.
“I don’t know. And I don’t care. Just as long as I get money then it’s good with me.” Lipuo said, opening her hand to start counting the many M20 notes.
The door screeched again. This time it was Mpho running into the room. She dropped a packet of simbas and bent down to collect the spilt ones.
“What is it with you, Mpho? Who gave you money for simbas?” Lineo half-shouted at the child. Mpho rose and searched the room. She saw me and ran across the room to sit in front of me.
“Misters…” she said in a hushed voice, pointing her finger to the door.
Everyone in the house got up hurriedly. Anna went out to the other room. Lineo brought a big curtain and covered the door leading to the other side of the house. The room looked darker. Someone connected the wires and the TV lit up. Even kids arranged themselves and sat motionless watching TV. Before I could ask who the Misters were, a hard knock boomed through the door and the screeching followed. Lineo went out to meet Misters. I listened and heard deep voices followed by Lineo’s voice. I couldn’t make out what was being said but dared not move. Everyone around me had suddenly become statues. The voices grew nearer until two men entered the room with Lineo right behind. They were in their police uniforms and had batons in their hands. I wondered why policemen were here. They kept looking around the room and I followed their every move.
“Where is your mother?” One of them asked with a commanding voice.
“She is sick. Hasn’t been out of her bed since last month.” Lineo answered confidently.
“Who is providing for the house?” The other one asked.
“We all are. We get piece-jobs here and then.” Lineo’s answers came naturally like she had rehearsed them.
“Your mother is supposed to pay her debts before you all lose this house and everything. Tell her that today was her last warning.” The first one said.
“Officer, how can you suggest that I tell my mother this news on her death bed?” Lineo folded her arms in front of her.
“Then I suggest you all start paying her debts before you go to the streets.” Lineo just smiled at the two men before they turned to leave.
The short one stooped and looked back at me, “Who is the new girl?”
“She’s a relative. She will be leaving tomorrow.” Lineo said with a frown. We waited for the door to screech them goodbye. Everyone in the room sighed with relief.
I woke suddenly at the sound of breaking glass. I looked around frantically, disoriented. Mpho turned in her sleep beside me. A shriek came out from one of the rooms. I got up and hastily stumbled to the sound. I opened the first door, stepped in, and froze. Suddenly the screaming rose again, and then again but from another room. Every movement became visible in my ears, the continuous screeching of beds, the deep groans and moans, and drops of items from the bedside table. I watched in horror as the heavy hard body moved on top of my aunt. She looked invisible and motionless like she was suddenly dying. My instinct kicked in, I reached for the first thing near me and threw it forcefully at the man. He swiftly turned towards me and looked with confused eyes. I had thrown a shoe at him. Anna rose from her position and blinked __confused__ at me. She didn’t bother to cover up her body as I motionlessly stood there, neither did the man. He looked at me sceptically, and then looked at the drawer beside him. I followed his eyes and found what he was looking for. A gun: but it was on the floor, hiding under his shiny black police boot. I took a step forward.
“What are you doing, Keke?” Anna’s hoarse voice cut through my thoughts. I looked up at her to make sure that she hadn’t been choked by the cruel policeman.
Quickly I bent down and picked the gun. It was heavier than I thought but steadily, I pointed it at the man’s face. He didn’t raise his hands in the air like I thought he would. But his face was serious as he tried to stand from the bed. I took a step back, the gun still steady in my hands, my eyes never leaving his face. From the corner of my eye, I saw my aunt picking up the pillow and hiding behind it.
“Don’t worry, Anna.” Somehow my voice sounded hollow, “I will protect you.”
“Please don’t shoot him, Keke. You will go to prison.” Anna was whimpering.
“He deserves prison, not me. He’s the rapist.” I could feel the disgust in my words. I wanted to go up and beat the man with my own hands but I knew he would beat me so I steadily tried to think of how to make the gun shoot him.
The door behind me opened wider. Before I could move back, it hit me hard on my occiput and I stumbled forward, tripping over a cloth. Suddenly all hell broke loose, my finger gripped the gun, and almost immediately a loud blast was followed by a cry. Before I could recover from my fall Lineo’s hand snatched the gun from me and another gunshot blasted.
Two nights later, Lineo was smoking her fifth sol with me beside her puffing out my smoke. The police sirens wailing from the centre of the town made me wish for the thousandth time that I had run away during the night. But I couldn’t because I had chosen to trust my sister. Still, I prayed that it wasn’t the police, but maybe escort cars for His Majesty or the Prime minister. I kept praying. Fifteen minutes later, the honk at the gate proved the arrival of the police coming to arrest me.
“Remember, you did not do it,” Lineo said as the kids pushed open the rusty gate. “Hang on to that. I will come to get you at the end of the week, or maybe sooner. Just hang on to that. You did not kill that man.”
I did not kill that man. I kept singing the words until morning came. When the Policeman opened the door, I was sure I could stand before anybody and declare my innocence. But he did not take me to anybody. Lineo was sitting by the bench and looking at our entrance. She ran up to me and hugged me tightly. I hugged her back.
“Let’s get out of this place. Let’s go home” She took my hand and dragged me outside.
I followed her silently. I did not ask her what she did to get me out. Nor did I ask why she was limping. That remained the story of her life. Just as this became the story of my life.