The words “Father” and “Mother” are not emotionally neutral. I have been more than blessed to have both parents in my life. To be able to see them and talk to them and know their names.
My father once told me, “It takes a moment to become a father but a lifetime to become a Dad”. I will never forget those words. Not because they are profound. They are merely words. But because I have observed him raise me. Train me and care for me all my life.
This is a gift and a blessing. And something that is, unfortunately, missing for so many people I have met. I have known families where the father is completely absent. And I always wondered the train of decision making that would make someone abandon those who they helped bring to life.
Which brings me to an incident. An acquaintance was recounting to me how he got a girl pregnant. And how he is avoiding her because he doesn’t have the money to take care of her and the baby. I could tell from the tone of his voice he wanted sympathy. He wanted to be told, “Man, you gotta do what you gotta do”.
But let’s work backward. Imagine you, a man goes out and befriends this lady. You talk a lot. You party together. You break bread together. And then you proceed to have sex. Good sex. Enjoyable sex. And three months later deny any involvement in the life of the lady and the child not yet born.
Now I am not one without empathy. Life is hard and situations may come up that are unexpected. But responsibility trumps empathy.
As an African man, I believe in doing better. If casual sex is to be had. Let it be had with a condom. Surely if three thousand shillings can prevent 3 lives from immense pain, then it is three thousand shillings well spent.
But more importantly, why create more pain in this world than already is unavoidable. Life is hard, yes. But it is within our power to make it worth-while and make sense. Not to run and hide. But to have families made on purpose and with pride.
Children are souls. Children are people. And our children are our people. I just want to thank all the fathers and mothers who have loved and taken care of their kids. Even when they had them at inopportune times. Who spent their mental energy looking for work and money, not devising ways to abandon their children.
Who faced the tears and heartbreak and hard decisions and did not take the easy way out.
All I can do is make sure that my children know my name. And pray that you will choose to make sure that yours do too.